Getting Away With Murder

Unfamiliar Tongues

2009-04-29T17:53:00.000-07:00

I have to admit, I would have felt much better prepared and interested in the lecture if I had read the Illiad and had some familiarity with its background. The reality is that I do not have the slightest clue what it is about or why it was written, even after Tuesday's lecture. The answer to these questions will remain unknown until I seek these books and devote the time to reading and investigating them. Altough I didn't understand much, there were a few lines that connected with me. Dr. Esposito mentioned that pain caused by humans is more absurd than illness. The definition absurd means utterly obvious or senseless, illogical, or untrue. It is foolish and irrational. In that sense, that statement is completely correct. Pain caused by humans is unecessary. It is senseless on the perpetrators' behalf. Unlike many other natural pains within the body, pain caused by humans is obvious and avoidable. She mentioned pain caused by humans as a celebrated feat. Not only is pain absurd, illogical, and senseless, but it is celebrated too. How can the most advanced species celebrate such an illogical occurance? An event that destroys their fellow brothers and the earth from which they rose. I do not know much about the Illiad, however Dr. Esposito stated that every man in the Illiad must bow his head to force. I take this to mean that every man is born doomed to fail. He who bows his head to force is not wise. All men are created missing an element for survival - they must bow their head to peace. The Illiad tells us that glory is attained through fatal challenges. If we could look at war as a fatal challange, we will see that glory is not free. Glory is paid for by struggle and millions of deaths. War and death only generates more war and more death.

Women in Triathlons

2009-04-09T17:30:00.000-07:00

This week's topic unexpectedly crept under my skin and managed to get me a bit flustered. Women now compete in what once were male-dominated areas. Triathlons present a different path. Combining three sports into one means tripling the endurance. The question remains: are women made to do this? The Ironman competition is not called Ironman for nothing, although many choose to overlook the name and deem it an equal opportunity competition. Another competition which has risen out of this competition is the Irongirl. But isn't this competition called the Ironwoman?

The fact remains that women are portrayed smiling while men are fiercly conquering each event. As agenda setters, the media aid in the fact the traditional women's role is preserved. Susan Williams, the Bronze medalist in the 2004 Olympics, is portrayed holding her daughter in most pictures associated with her title. This ensures that she is a nurturer first and foremost, and then an athlete. For some reason women are not allowed to be fierce; that may be too threatening. In addition images of women crawling over the finish line of the Ironman competitions dominate media in order to portay women failing in a men's event.

It is said that the Ironman is not about winning, it is about battling against one's self. But again it seems that women have a different mission. The training video we watched during the lecture revealed some of the main reasons women join a triathlon training team: aging, break-ups, and weight loss. These reasons appear to be different that simply putting your body to the test. I asked a male friend who has completed several triathlons why he competes. His reply was that he simply wanted to push himself to the limit. Female triathlons seem to have a different motive. A popular short triathlon for women, the Danskin, is driven by profit and marketing. This "warm and happy event" does not seem to be about pushing yourself to the absolute limit. Some may even ask where is the pain?

Finally we were forced to consider what a female triathlete was. What did she look like? As most other "models" in society, the female triathlete was much leaner and more fit than the majority of the population. Not only do women have to be thin to fit the profile of a triathlete, they have to wear the right gear. The sexy tri-suit. Fitting the profile comes with a price, both physical and monetary.

Those who do not fit the profile of a female triathlete will find themselves in the Athena category. As someone who is tall and over 150 pounds, it came as a reality check to me that I would be considered over weight in this particular event.

Overall triathlons are a whole different kind of animal. This is a place where eqipment, weight, and age matter. They are the ultimate markers of success.

S&M

2009-04-02T19:10:00.000-07:00

Wow, and I mean wow there are some interesting sexual niches out there. Although that's the aspect which stands out most in my mind, Claycomb brought up many other valid points. "Everything we experiance is a language construction", he said. He challenged this statement by pointing out that the experience of pain challenges language theories.

It is safe to say that when we experience pain, it is anything but a language construction. Arthur Frank would say that experiencing pain is being trapped in a chaos narrative. Likewise, Scarry brings up the valid argument that physical pain resists language. She goes one step further to say that pain actively destroys language. While in the state of pain, we experiance revision to a state anterior to language.

Claycomb's points about the subjectivity of language were not unheard. It his relation to pain that brought something new into the mix. We could never denotatively define our pain since every word used to describe our pain has a different conotation to different audiences.

I enjoyed his words about identity as a construct. I would like to think that DesCarte's words, I think therefore I am, are true. Everything beyond nature is obtained through language. In this sense our identity is constructable, it is what we say it is - we just have to believe.

Perhaps Claycomb was right when he said that there is no authentic self. We are all different people in different situations and contexts. We are made up of many identities - as people say there is a time and place for everything. This could simply mean that we have an identity for each different situation. It is true that the person I am in class is not the person I am at dinner with my friends or at home with my family.

Claycomb moved onto identity as a sexual portayl and construct. Indeed, we act as women or men because we follow the behavior of the women and men which have set the standards throughout history. What does it mean to be woman or man? Who decides on these subconcious codes?

It is clear that language and the body are connected for the purpose of constructing our identity or identities. It is not true however that we experiance everything through language. There are just some things we need to find out by doing. For example you tell a child not to touch the stove burners because they are hot. The child may not give up, however, until he or she has found out first hand. Once the child feels the pain of that the burner has caused, they fully understand that the burner is hot. The pain that a hot surface can cause cannot be clearly communicated through language, it simply has to be experianced. In this sense, there are just certain areas where words are not enough.

Everything is taken to an extreme when we look at Bob Flanagan's work. His S&M performances are said to have isolated and controlled the pain he felt from his battle with cystic fibrosis. Indeed, he survived into his fourties, an age many patients with that condition never live to see. I feel that he survived for that long because he believed.

When it comes to the works of Athey, a similar artist in a sense, I feel a different connection between his performances and his past. As Claycomb pointed out, emotionally damaged people feel the need to tear their bodies inside out. His performances release his inner pain. In that way he makes that pain real and he communicates it to the world. As Athey put it, his body is a "fleshy prison which houses the pain". He refers to a razor as a trusty friend. More importantly, he states that the razor is a release to a pressure valve. There is something more at play here. When it is your own hand that administers relief by means of releasing the body's blood there is something evil and grueling inside which scrapes at the insides screaming for air. It seems as though the cost of releasing this thing and letting it rise to the surface would cost life itself. This means permanently living with a pain which causes self mutilation over and over, but never extinguishes the pain itself. A cut simply gives the pain an impermanent voice. It is this kind of pain that cannot be written or performed. It is a never ending experiance for those who feel it and must bear its pangs.

Everything is Illuminated

2009-03-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

This is yet another great film we have had the opportunity to watch in class. The many elements within the movie added depth as well as humor. Johnathan's outragous, obssesive collecting habits were hillarious. The description of all the characters, in addition to the camera work really made the situation complete.

This movie evoked personal feelings in me since I could relate to the situation. Johnathan went back to Russia to trace his roots and collect the pieces which made his family. Being from a bordering country, Bulgaria, made everything within the movie seem so familiar to me. Even the language throughout the movie was a call of home. I could understand the key words within the sentences enough to know what they were saying. This made the movie strangely real to me. It was like I had been to alot of these places. I could relate to the characters and the people they saw along their journey to finding themselves.

One scene which really stood out to me was when the grandfather walked down into the field and looked upon the remains of war. There were ruins and infantry pieces. The foreshadowing effects of this scene are striking.

At this point it was clear that the grandfather had some connection to this land and to the war. The suspense built as the movie continued. I found myself wondering if the grandfather was one of the Germans or if he himself was Jewish.

One of the stark images in my mind was the vast contrast between the two groups' shoes, displayed by an explicit camera shot. The Jews, fearful and defeseless, wore ragged, torn shoes or no shoes at all, while the powerful Germans who held the Jews' fate in their hands wore shined, black boots.

This movie went from laughter to tears and covered a vast array of issues such as ignorance, anti-semitism, death, and suicide. The humerous descriptions were later supplemented by serious undertones. It turned out that Johnathan's habits of collecting things were driven by his fear of forgetting. The grandfathers funny, yet rough manners are later explained by the events he faced in the past. When he managed to walk away from the dead pile of Jews, he threw down his jacket, and with it, his religion. He was hardened by his circumstances and made to forget his true identity.

However, the end of the movie points out that our identity never disappears by means of Alex's interpretation of the term inside-out. Our true self is always on the inside of us looking out.

The grandfather burried his past in the banks of Trachinbrod, like the rest of the ill-fated people whose lives were taken there. The important thing is that in the end he returned home and recognized his true identity. For the first time he was content.

This movie said alot about searching for your roots and coming to know yourself. It is about leaving a part of yourself behind for the world to have. It is about searching for your past. Most importantly, it is about future generations' ability to find the answers to their search, so that they can come to know the inside which looks out.

If that was a pain cry...

2009-03-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

The impact of images, in terms of portrying pain, is rather significant in our society. The importance of displays is the conotative meaning they carry. They offer the opportunity for the viewer to interpret the pain and the message being conveyed.

One artist that really made an impact on me was Tracey Emin. Overall her work was really exquisite. Her blanket type tapestries were very detailed and percise. Most importantly, beyond the construction of her works, was the message she was sending. I loved her work because she said what women were afraid to say. Through her work she exposed her feelings for the world to see and created something which will leave a piece of her behind forever.

"Mad Tracey" touched upon many women's issues revolving around women's sexuality. After being raped at the age of 13, Tracey has every right to call herself "Mad Tracey". I like her persective of sex as an adventure and an escape. Power to her for playing the game and turning her sexual life into works which make her rich both socially and economically.

Similarly, Sue Williams touched upon women's issues through her doodles. I feel that these convey more of the pain she must have experianced in her life. Where Emin seems to be pleased with her sexuality and seems to desire sex, Williams seems hesitant and upset based on her experiances.

I found it very amazing to know that the photographer who shot the famous "Napalm Girl" took the subjects in the photo to a hospital after the photo. It takes alot for a photographer to cross the boundary of his lens, a world apart from reality.

One thing which cannot go unmentioned is the artists which chose to inflict pain on themselves as a form of display and call it art. If they say it is art and they have an audience, then surely it must be art.

This brings me to the ultimate question within this whole discussion: WHAT IS ART? I believe there is a clear line between art and display, although both gather audiences. How authentic artists' work is will remain something unknown to the viewer.

I encourage the pushing of limits. Pain is a source for artists to investigate and challenge. All of this may prove the power of people. However I have to wonder if witnessing the artistic act of getting shot in the arm desensitizes us more than the real images on TV? There was a person in the same room as the viewer, who voluntarily took a shot in the arm or cut their body. More importantly, there were people in the room who voluntarily watched this event. What does that say about our society? Perhaps we are all masochists.

Dr. Highberg posed the question of which was the most beautiful image we witnessed within the lecture. My personal favorite area was Larry Clark's work with crystal meth. "Once the needle goes in, it never comes out", he said. I think the most powerful image was the pregnant woman shooting meth. Was it beautiful? Well that is just another level of dementia. We cannot call this beautiful. This is supposed to be art, but in front of the camera lens is a real subject shooting meth while carrying a life.

Pictures documenting actual painful events can never be beautiful for the sole fact that the viewer has no right to look at the event, stripped of its raw power. We see a still image of a pregnant woman with a needle of her arm. We do not see the ugly, disturbing, and raw events which follow. We see the baby in its coffin which is another grim, yet dressed up, portrayl of what took place between the last photograph and the outcome.

The worst part about the picture of the pregnant woman shooting meth is the fact that the fetus inside her never got a chance because her desire and addiction took that away from it. This photograph's purpose is not beauty, but recording. This is an event recorded in history. It has the power to make us feel, like any image of pain. This is an image portraying the hidden pain, dispair, and lost chances - it has more than done its job.

Falling, Floating, Dancing, Fading...

2009-03-04T07:27:00.000-08:00

To be honest I was not at all excited about Dr. Pozorski's lecture. "Here we go, another talk about different representations of 9/11..." The picture of the "falling man", which was posted for us to look at before the lecture, made me feel uneasy. Generally, I feel that we are a nation who witnessed 9/11 and wether we were directly touched by it, or not, we all came away with different interpretations of the events that took place. For some reason, I have found that we are all happy with our own outlook on 9/11 and no so much with others'.

The biggest problem with a picture like the "Falling Man" is the fact that once it's published it is up to the viewer to interpret it as they wish. There is no background, no revelation of the person falling. While some are in shock, others are in awe. What was it then, that the man was expressing? Was it willpower, resignation, stoicism, or even freedom?

His fall became a part of history, the photographer made it history. The fact is that the picture froze the falling man as a still object, but the man was falling. Those who can look at this picture and call it beautiful due to the symmetry and the posture of the man's body are turning the subject in the picture into an object. In reality, the picture of the "falling man" features a condemed man. His jump is a brave act caused by fear. That in itself is an oxymoron. This man lost faith. With no way out, he sought his freedom. By making the active choice to jump this man chose the means to his end. He ultimately gained control of the uncontrolable situation. But was he really? I am sure that the 11 shots surrounding this one will reveal that he was not so stoic. While traveling at 150 miles per hour, this man fell just like everyone else, "trying to hold onto th elife he was leaving", according to the Esquire article.

What is this "falling" that we are talking about anyway? There is a gravitational attraction which has an end, but like Dr. Pozorski pointed out, there are no words for such a moment. When something falls, it is usually an accident. This picture of the falling man shows no accident. He was willingly falling. Willingly losing control. Willingly departing this earth. How is it that people who witnessed this horror called it a vision of flight or birth? I suppose that when we witness something like this we must become dellusional in order to make ourselves feel better. To think of "falling well, and entering a world head first; while it is we who are falling" is a bit dellusional, but in the end it makes sense. It connects the falling man to something else. We always do.

For one artist in particular, the terrorist attacks came to be represented by his mural, featuring two blindfolded men, silently screaming amongst ruins and a fallen people. Again this is simply a representation, a dellusion of realtiy. It is art. This is where I would make the argument that history and art, although intertwined often, have no place together. This painting is beautiful. It has silent fury to it. It is sad. However it is not raw and ugly, it is not loud and screetching like the voices of those who witnessed 9/11 or lost someone in its rubble.

I support Dr. Pozorski's mention of a double bind, where people tell the truth in testimonies through figuritive speech. This is the chaotic state of mind that Frank was talking about in The Wounded Storyteller. Our words can never express the pain felt during that time. It is a time remembered and untouched. That is why no piece of 9/11 art should or could make us feel better about what happened. It is simply art, separate from the actual events that took place that day and our individual memories of them.

As for the two men in the mural, blinded and crying out? They are blind, they never saw their terminal fate coming. They are crying, yet they are silent because no one can help them now.

Again, tieing this historical event to something else from the past, the entire thing reminds of the mythical being known as Icurus. Icurus, out of curiousity or vanity, flew too close to the sun. His wings, which were made out of wax, melted and he fell down into the depths of eternity.

I have to ask why the U.S. was attacked on 9/11? There are other powerful nations who are threatening. The answer is unknown, but the fact remains that we are on top of the world. Perhaps we flew too close to the sun and for that, the wax wings of many innocent victims melted, as they fell into the depths of what was soon to be the remains of the World Trade Center.

Because everything is connected and there are different ideas through this lecture I realized that it is worth talking about 9/11 time and time again. The lecture that I was not really looking forward to left me surprised and searching for more. It was presented in a very interesting manner and I look forward to working with the subject and the knowlege I gained from Dr. Pozorski in the future.

Ageless Love

2009-02-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

Harold and Maude gets five stars from me. This movie encompasses death, love, age, synicism, suicide, fun, and appreceation for life all into one wonderful bundle. The words I just used to describe the nuances of this movie would never fit together otherwise. They just don't make movies like this anymore. Anything from the feel of old technology to produce film to the characters is so outdated yet timeless. I simply do not feel that this type of movie could be recreated successfuly. There is a genuine aura surrounding it.

I never thought I would laugh at death, yet I did numerous times throughout the movie. It is so synister and quirky - smart even. The greatest scene in the entire movie has to be when Harold pulls the Ferris Bueller face and we see his smirk which quickly turns back into a blank face when he turns towards his mother. Right there the viewer has to know that there is no outsmarting him.

All of the elements in this movie are so carefully thoughout out and so fitting for the situations. I loved the hurse that Harold drove, the train car Maude lived in, the fake arm which saluted the painting, the falling veterans...etc. With a movie like this, detail is very important, it is half the humor in the situations which Harold finds himself in.

Harold in himself portrays hope in such a hopeless world; survival in the desire for death. He is so composed and serious about his interests - funerals and mock suicides. It's almost ironic that he is so young and so dead. Maude, on the other hand, is this vivacious and vigorous figure. Again it is ironic that she is so old, yet so alive. Together this characters combine to make a whole. Maude helps Harold embrace life, and death in some ways. Together they thrive because they have a different eye for the world around them. Ususally the viewer would be disgusted at such an old woman and such a young man in a relationship, however the insparation of the film helps us ignore their age and they simply turn into timeless figures.

Maude utters the wonderful words: "how the world loves a cage". In a way Harold loves his own cage. He is so involved with his mock suicides and trying to get a reaction out of his mom that he is not living. "I am not living, but I have died a few times", he says to Maude. Yet Maude is completely free of this cage. "The earth is her body, her head is the stars". She speaks of people as her species, notices the differences in daisies, and envisions herself as a flower.

While the characters are comical in many ways, this movie does show subtle political and historical undertones. Maude has a number tattooed on her arm, indicating that she was a Jewish Concentration Camp Prisoner. The impact of this is much greater than just the flash of her numer on her arm, which is left without mention. (Another clever and subtle technique, I thought) While she is this fun, free, and loving spirit she has endured great pain in the past. This shows us that the best of us percerviers and conquers our obstacles. She is the ray of hope in this movie both for viewers and Harold.

"If you want to sing out, sing out; If you want to be free be free; There's a million things that you can be; You know that there are. If you want to live high, live high;...There's a million ways to go; You know that there are". Maude helped Harold choose the better path. Through all the pain of losing true love and preying on death we, the viewers, are instilled with hope.

Vagina - as a regular word

2009-02-23T14:59:00.000-08:00

Over this past weekend I had the incredible opportunity and honor of being a part of the 2009 Cast of the Vagina Monologues. Although the three performances did not allow for a sold out show the turn out was pretty great. The feedback was positive and many people said it was worth their money. For those of you who did not go - you missed out!

I performed the monologue called: "Because He Liked to Look At It". Ironically the character of the monologue is very much like me. The woman who originally said those words did not appreceate herself. She didn't even associate her vagina as a part of herself. When I was younger I didn' t have all that much appreceation for it either. Like my character, I found it incredibly ugly. Unfortunately just like in the monologue, it took a man to make me realize that I am beautiful and I should not be ashamed of my body. Through him I was abled to grow and appreceate my vagina for the beautiful body part that it truly is. I stopped hiding. Where there were once dark rooms, are now illuminated spaces. Sober with the lights on, as some would like to put it.

Each and every monologue which was performed over the last weekend is unique and beautiful. Each one brings a different undertone and hue to the word vagina. Each is empowering in its own way. It is important to remember that these monologues were written after Eve Ensler spoke to many different women. Each woman had a different experiance with their sexuality and the word vagina. Like those women, the cast was composed of many different students here. I thought it was amazing to come together for this one performance and devote ourselves to such a great cause. All else aside, the power of twenty women is pretty great. I have to admit our breaking chant before the doors opened was "I have a vagina!" and it felt pretty good to say that. For many of the women which the monologues are about may even have been saying that for the first time.

It was an amazing experiance. I love the cause which all of our proceeds is going to - the women of the Congo and also the Connecticut Sexual Assault Crises Services. I also love the meaning of the Vagina Monologues - it's not just about raising money. It's raising the love and appreceation of vaginas amongst our audience and ourselves and also shedding light on some devastating facts about abuse. All together, the Vagina Monologues are trying to make "vagina" an appreceated and accepted word, not the way it has been thought of throughout history as an inappropriate word, while balls and dick are common occurances in speech.

the unfruitful search

2009-02-17T18:28:00.001-08:00

If Dr. Ealy's lecture and Celestina's text have taught us anything, it is that love ends in tragedy for it is in some part a figment of our imagination which keeps us hungry and unsatisfied. If we are partly born with this inate need to search for our completeness, it is almost ironic that there is no real answer. We are born to torture ourselves on the path to attempting salvation. However, the sad news for us is that there is no such thing. We cannot be fullfilled - ever. No matter how many hearts or bodies we conquer and how many things we pocess, Celestina teaches us that we are in love with the idea of them and not the physical things we come to collect along the way.

It seems as though humans are then none other than delusional. We have a fixation on an insatiable desire and we go in circles trying to find the same answer - completeness. Yet, we are in love with an image, a simple figment of the imagination. We are in love with the subjective reality of percieving a certain object a certain way and then seeking the means to pocessing that object. But alas, that object does not exist the same way in reality as it exists in the mind so we can never have our cake and eat it too. What is the reason for living then?

Celestina is just another love story. The classic longing, and sickness. The classical elements such as forbidden pocessions, gardens, and death. It all seems so tragic. Like the classic Romeo and Juliet, Celestina ends in death. All that is left behind are the forlorn families of those who gave their life to the pangs of the sickness which, through their eyes, inflicted their unsuspecting hearts.

Dr. Ealy brought up an interesting point when he talked about the gender divide in love sickness. How could that be when we are all humans who suffer the same fate? Indeed throughout history women and men have been drastically separated. The woman embodies desire, lust. She brings with her intentions the devil. She brings forth life, yet she brings forth mankind's doom. It seems correct to percieve a woman who desires as a great threat. Dr. Ealy mentions that female desire can destroy patriarchal alliances and class structures. This reinforces the notion that women stand for destruction, as irrational, desire-driven, beings.

Throughout Celestina we see the way women have been employed by the patriarchy. Women played beneficial parts in society while acting as matriarchs, perhaps all the while without knowing. Celestina promotes the tradition of virginity by sewing young women up to "re-virginize" them. All of the prostitutes play a part in granting men authority and rationalism. In a way all of their efforts simply re-inforce their subordination.

This play provides the answer in life and our inescapable and terrible fate as early as 1499. Yet, generations upon generations have not listened. There is an ever-strong belief in true love and fullfillment. Plenty of people still believe in a thing such as soul mates which complete their missing parts. Yet, much of Celestina and Dr. Ealy's words prove to be true. We, as a sociey, are in love with being in love. We are constantly searching and hoping. Hoping to find what? Fools, we are all fools. We hope to find a different form of obsessive compulsive disorder. We search for the invigorating mix of endorphins and adrenalin that special someone can provide. I suppose this is the inner drug addict in us, searching for their next high - their next obsession. Do we really enjoy how crazy love makes us? In the lows of it, suicide is not uncommon. So many places have warned us and told us of this erotic melancholy which Dr. Ealy mentioned. Our obssesion with an image is in turn a never ending pursuit of unattainable things.

Like drug addicts are a slave to their addictions and their never ending hunt for that deeper, higher high, we are slaves to our desire on our never ending journey to completion and fullfillment.

Rape is Funny

2009-02-11T14:02:00.000-08:00

First off I just want to say great job Dr. Highberg! We had quite the turn out. With a title like "Rape is Funny" it isn't surprising that the lecture drew such a crowd. The reality is, there are references of rape and rape jokes all around us. We have grown so accustomed to this that we do not even notice the horrible conotation of "making someone your bitch". More importantly, many people do not take the time to think about the corrupt circumstances this phrase has come from. Prison. No jokes there.

Half of the viewers in the room last night were probably thinking that, the people sent to prison deserve everything they get. The others probably sided with Dr. Highberg when he brought up the example of Fish, where a teenage boy was sent to prison for a robbery with a toy gun. While in prison he was raped over 1,000 times. There is no way that is the correct punishment for such a crime, when taking into account not only the physcial, but also psychological damage involved.

I do not side with the fact that people deserve to be raped. However, if we think about it that is the only prevelent threat in prison. Otherwise, if you are someone who roams the streets, has no money for food, and committs crimes day and day out to support themsevles...well then prison may not sound so bad. It's a roof over their head and food in their stomachs. The only real punishment and potential threat is the fact that in prison, either you own inmates or you are owned.

An interesting topic also came up - what about rapists, sex offenders, murderers? It seemed as though the audience agreed that it would be good for them to get a taste of their own medicine. This would mean that we concent to those people getting raped, but not those who committed lighter crimes. Here we almost have a proposal for a rape prison with the sign "WE RAPE" in the window. If you have murdered, raped, or sexually assaulted anyone you belong with us. However, this is where we enter the shades of gray...there is no way some people could go to a prison where people rape, and some could go to a prison where there is no rape permitted. Prison is prison.

Stemming from prison rape, is the idea that rape is the sexual way we show our domination. This is how we exert our power over someone else in the deepest possible way. In some instances like college campuses, guys think that raping a female may put her back in her place.

The last mention, brings us to a whole new place. Raping a woman to put her back in her place truly disgusts me, primarily for the reason that if women seek any improvement in status they will be brought down. If a woman dresses in a manner that displays her body, perhaps because she is proud or wants to test her boundaries, than she is shot back down because anything that happens in that circumstance is going to look like it was her fault. If she was so irrisistable then a man could not help but to rape her - what a proposterous idea! Yet this is a widely accepted notion, that still circulates today.

I will admit, there were some jokes Dr. Highberg mentioned which made me chuckle - I couldn't help it. This definetly rules out the moralist category from our reading, however since I do not hold these attitudes and I believe that these are just jokes, like most of us, I do fit into the amoralist category. What we don't realize is just how much damage "just a joke" can bring. We have been conditioned with rape as a common occurance with unproportional importance. We can poke fun because most people don't take it seriously enough. It is definetly a matter that deserves more attention. Not enough rape victims come forward. We should all take a step back and re-consider the correct move after we hear yet another rape joke. I think it's time we stop laughing.

California Dreamin' Leaves Us Blue

2009-02-03T19:51:00.000-08:00

Requim for a Dream was quite a movie - I mean wow. The images on the giant screen before me took me for an unexpected ride and left me perplexed and upset at the hard reality of durgs and our world today. The strong sense of loneliness toward the end of the movie was practically seeping out, and I was left like a bystanding, wounded tree. Thank God for the five minute break at the end. By the cast list, I was shaking, trying to hold back tears, but the giant bulge was creeping up. I put my shoes on and stormed into the bathroom, trying to conceal just how upset I was. Truth be told, I just couldn't hold back my tears. Requim for a dream is one sad story. No good comes out...no happy ending...no hope. I can see why this was # 13 Premiere Magazine's Most Dangerous List - Americans are left both shocked and disturbed by the series of events which unfold in this movie. We are not used to sad endings; we do not like sad endings.

From Beautiful Boy we learned that addiction to drugs is a disease which we did not cause and cannot cure; it's all within the individual. Although I pitty Marian, Harry, and Tyrone's situation they had a fractional idea of what they were getting into. They voluntarily took the first dose. My heart goes out to Sarah, who had no idea what she was doing to herself, and she had no idea where those four colorful pills were going to lead her. She is the epitome of lonliness in its most raw form. It makes me cringe to try and put myself in her shoes - although we all must have that fear sub-consciously. The fear that we will grow old, and end up alone. Alone to wallow in our lonliness and self pitty, and no longer be needed by anyone after an entire lifetime of adjusting to taking care of others.

All four of the main characters have their own requiem for a dream. Their own dream. Sarah's to be on TV and be important, known, and needed; as well as having her son awknowlege her and show his love for her. Marian wanted a life with Harry, with a space where she could design clothers. Tyrone wanted to live a better life and fullfill his mom's words. Harry wanted to build a life for himself, better than the one he came from. All four of these characters are haunted by their dream and in the end if remains simply a dream.

What are we willing to pay for our dreams? Through the characters' quests we find that they are willing to sacrifice all that they have in hopes for unrealistic images in their head.

It did not surprise me that Harry was saying "It'll be like that again man" to Tyrone when they were hitting one of their drug and financial lows. It seems as if addicts are always saying how it will get better. I have to wonder where they get all of that hope? Is it the chemical substances that fill thier veins and lift them? I suppose it wouldn't be hard to dream and hope if you spent half of your waking time in the clouds.

Once again it becomes evident that drug use diminishes all boundaries which were once established, through every characters' drug use. They are dellusional and will do anything for another hit. The plot quickly turns into a never ending chase for drugs. Without realizing it, each of the character's drug use begins to separate them. Separating a family bond, friendship, and a love.

The images which make up the ending of this horrific story will be permanently pressed into a file in the back of my mind. This movie alone is reason enough for me to never touch drugs. I feel that the fact that each of the four characters, separated in the end, turns to their right and curls up in the fetal position screams their regret and sorrow for letting themselves get to where they are. Where do they go from here? We may never know. However we are left with the image of Sarah, looking glamorous in her red dress, all done up, on stage of her favorite show along with Harry telling him she loves him, and him saying the same to his mother.

If we think about this realistically, Sarah ruined herself over a foolish deception. She received a phone call, which in turn changed her life. Everything began to be directed towards this one cause. This just shows that she had nothing else left, she needed this opportunity as something to look forward to, even if it were never real.

Lastly, another scene which struck me is when Harry is walking towards the ocean on the dock at the end. Unlike the beginning of the movie, Marian was not there this time. He was alone and when he walked up to the railing and looked at the water he began to walk back, after which he fell off the edge of the dock into a dark street. His last words were "Marian". They say that if you fall into black space in your dreams it symbolizes death. In a way each of these characters fell into their own, unintentionally, self-created, black hole and suffered a kind of death by separation from everything they ever dreamed of and loved.

Personal Essays

2008-12-01T19:52:00.000-08:00

I am in love with the writting style of a few of these writers. I love the short writing form of essays and the expressive channel they create. As I was reading these essays I found myself lost in each and every one of the authors' words. I was there. I was seeing what they were seeing.
Strayed was phenomenal. I suppose it was her catchy opening sentence that drew me to that essay first. I found it interesting that she talked about how when her mother passed people treated her as if she should get on with life. They spoke of the set stages of grief which had an order and a prescribed time. This component of pain seems to be something which keeps coming back. You only have so much time before you can put on your new shoes and leave your old life, only to smile and new smile and charm new people. Like many people she found comfort in pointless, heartless sexual endaveors, despite her love for her husband. Most would immediately view this as being wrong, but for some reason it settled well with me. "Live each day as if it were the last." Just make sure that what you are doing is truly what you want.
Strayed spoke of passion as a temporary thing. In my mind passion is in direct correlation with desire. Desire for one thing is temporary, until the next best thing comes along. Another thing worth pointing out was her mention of all losses being made equal by other people's experiances - it is making grief and pain relative experiance. Everything about this says that grief is not so bad...it is a disease that can be overcome.

Sedaris gave way to another great work. Great words. He mentions getting sympathy without the symptoms. I feel like so many people in our society go for this approach now-a-days. You want to die, yet you cut horizontally. It was refreshing to hear his story of marriage as the enemy. When he mentions the words of his father, encouraging his sister to stay thin so she could find a husband, it makes me remember the fact that we live in a society that is tightly focused on pairing up and signing the papers to prove it.
His quote about physical contact not being able to match the healing power of a well-made cocktail is quite brilliant. It explains the ways of his family. It also reminds of every single time those who I have grown to trust and believe in turn on me, and there is nothing left, a cold glass of what ever is available certainly does a trick.
When Sedaris states that the sudden events of his mother's cancer took thier common langauge, I was brought back to the thought of pain taking away our ability to communicate. The ultimate chaos narrative.

The best quote I had picked up on in a while was in this essay: "You can't brace yourself for the famine if you've never even known hunger". Boy are those some words of wisdom.

The last essay which truly stood out to me was Beard's. She writes of the pathetic, yet somehow meanigful life she is leading which consists of her constantly washing blankets for the dog which keeps peeing on them. Her husband keeps leaving her frantic messages because he seeks her reassurance that he is storng enough to leave her - another pathetic concept. I have to give her kudos for the strength it takes to not pick up the phone, for one reason or another. I wondered about Chris' mother. Does she committ suicide? Is there meaning left to life after she has come to America to cheer herself up from losses such as her husband and mother, and her son is killed? It is such an ironic series of events for this unfortunate woman, it seems that perhaps it would have a chance of being featured in a British comedy.
Lastly, the squirels. From the start it was clear she didn't want them to leave. Although they were a bother, much like her peeing dog, there is a strange comfort which comes in knowing they are there and hearing their noises. On a sad last note, after she hears a branch against the house she grows hopeful. But then she is brought to reality with the clear statement that no matter how much you miss them, they will never come back once they are gone, in reference not only to the squirels, but also to her friend Chris and her husband.

Push

2008-11-18T15:00:00.001-08:00

I read this entire book on my flight to California on Thursday. I couldn't put it down. It was too much on the edge and it was all to real. I can't imagine what it would be like to want to know how to read and write but not be able to do so. I can't imagine being pregnant at 12 and not knowing about it until I was bearing a child on the kitchen floor, not to mention by my father. Precious had to deal with things unbarable to most people, and although she felt like she wanted to die she did not ever think of taking her life. I think that the amount of suffering she went through shows great character. Even with a Down Syndrome baby she goes on to say that abortion is evil, it takes a great amount of strength to do what she did. It takes even more strength for someone with two kids by the age of 17 to want to go to school, learn and get out. Her journey from her home where she was sexually abused, and subjected to violence by her mother, to the half way house is a tremendous one.
It amazed me that her mother blamed Precious for everything. She said that Precious stole "her man" - her man was the father of a child whom he was raping since a very young age. Such atrocities as this one outraged me and even made me cry at certain parts of the book. I wondered is this what poverty is like? Do people actually get through these times in thier lives?
I remember her mentioning the hate for the white man alot - "the problem is not crack it's crackers" and I remember her wanting to be light skinned because she considered that beautiful which posed a great paradox in my mind. The one thing I cannot forget and will probably stick in my mind for a long time is when Precious' mother comes in to the counselor's office and talks about how Carl, Precious' father, would breast feed off of her mother's nipples and one day he was on her and reached over to Precious and put his finger in between her legs. He then proceeded to take of her Pampers and try to put his penis inside this small infant. Her mom states "You know what trip me out was it almost can go in Precious." WHAT?!??! A MAN, ANY MAN WHO TAKES OFF THE PAMPERS OF A BABY AND TRIES TO PUT HIS PENIS INSIDE IT IS A SICK, TWISTED, LUNATIC! I am so mad at Precious' mother for condoning this and letting it go on, allowing it for her benefit because she knew that as long as she allowed this man to have sex with her child he would stick around. Is this poverty? Is this ignorance? Or is this just plain lunacy?

Another thing I foud interesting and also not surprising was that Precious refused to give up Abdule because without him she claimed she would have nothing. This very much correlates with another piece of literature I read by the same author a novel called American Dreams. In the beginning it made it more clear to me why girls in poverty are much more likely to keep their children even though they may not have the means to care for them. In that world, where those girls have nothing, and often are shown no love, their child is their only possession and their only means of recieving the love they seek. By having a child they have a purpose - something to care about and something that needs them which they also grow to need in return.

Beyond the outrage I felt in my airplane seat and the tears I was fighting back I knew this was a truly insparational story. I feel that Precious is one of the few children who have taken that much abuse who can make it. She wanted to learn. Miss Rain's class and her opporunity to write in a journal served as an outlet for her which was beneficial in dealing with many of her struggles. She made friends, real girl friends, like she had wanted who helped her pull through. Through the darkness of abuse and hopelessness was the light which came with her choice to go to school. It turned out to be her savior in the end.

Pain in Songs

2008-11-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

I think that music a very successful mode of expression for pain. People open themselves up on a track and pour everything out, which blended with some creativity or a new tune, makes a great song. The reality of songs and the feelings of the artists makes it easy to envision them as a little bit closer to us, a little more human; their experiances resonate with ours...they are just like us. Most often songs are sung about love and the pain which comes of a break up, which is something almost all of us can relate to. I remember when the song by Eamon titled "Fuck it" came out. I thought, "man there goes a vulgar controversial song", but it is so raw and real. This artist said all of the things we truly feel and definetly spoke to the younger generations who can relate to the vulgar language. When someone ripped your trust and love to pieces there is nothing left to say but "fuck you, you hoe, I don't want you back". I can only imagine the pain which comes with uttering those words.
Then there are pop songs which made it big on Top 40 charts like Kelly Clarkson's "Walk Away". I can totally relate to the words in that song too. In all songs dealing with pain, it feels as though the release of that pain inside of the song produces support amongst fans and has an empowering effect on the artists, almost like a catharsis. At the same time they are bare and exposed for the world to see which is a certain kind of vulnerability, which at the same time makes them stronger.
It is hard to miss that three of the songs on the list are by Nirvana. No surprise there. It reminds me of the line "I bleed just to know I'm alive". Torn, twisted. Dead.

Beautiful Boy

2008-11-04T15:28:00.000-08:00

This truly was a wonderful book. I have to say I cried at least three times while reading it. It's definetly a breath of fresh air comapred to the other more technical books we've been reading on pain.
After finishing the book, I found myself asking, why did Nic do it in the first place? Something that David Scheff was trying to figure out the length of the book and probably for the rest of his life. Was it the need for a better high after pot, LSD, and ecstasy?
This book certainly explained a new level of addiction and pain to me. I learned that meth is worse than any other drug since it kills 90% of the brain's dopamine, which then makes it impossible to recreate the intial high of the drug: the addicts ultimate quest. Depression and anxiety are worse than ever and these things combined make recovery very difficult since the neurotoxicity of the drug makes it that the brain may never fully recover and addicts are unable and unwilling to participate in common treatments during stages of withdrawl, making addiction and relapse a destructive and on-going cycle.
How many times does an addict have to relapse to get it? After the numerous relapses Nic experiances I found myself distrusting of his promises just like his dad was. It's hard for me to imagine that he is actually clean right now, as we speak. Relapse is just another brick in the road, it seems. I certainly hope that the little something inside Nic, clicked and made him change so radically that it dulled out his desire to get high.
I found the quote from John Lennon "God is a concept by which we measure our pain" very interesting. How could Nic and David Scheff measure pain, when their belief was not God, but ethical principles? Pain has no measure.
I cried at the passages which described Nic as an innocent child, the best gift in David's life, with his arms wrapped around his father's neck, doing the many things they would do together. How did that child, turn into this lifeless addict. "Addiction is an equal opportunity affliction - affecting people without regard to thier economic circumstances, their education, their race, their geography, their IQ, or any other factor", David mentions. Nic was incredible and smart, with huge potential. This part of the book made me feel so helpless, uncertain, and unsafe. What if this were my child? There is no control over this situation. And yet it is impossible not to seek the blame in yourself. This must be the most excruciating thing a parent has to face. "It may be true that suffering builds character, but it also damages people". This experiance certainly left David and the entire family damaged. He, with a hole in his head, and the family seeking counceling including the children, simply innocent by-standers.
I am amazed at the fact that David, beyond the fact that he suffered and went through so much, has the courage and strength to say "I will take the worry in order to take waht has come through as the most important emotion after my hemhorrage". He accpets evil in order to participate in the miraculous. Even after everything Nic has caused he takes back the comment of wanting to erase Nic our of his memory, like in the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. "There is much good, but to enjoy beauty, the love, one must bear the painful". I feel that we could all learn from David Scheff. That is a true love of life, at its purest.

Saw V Torture Porn?

2008-10-28T19:00:00.000-07:00

What is torture porn? These are two words which don't seem like they belong together. It is a difficult phraze to define. When taken quite literally torture is a the cruel act of inflicting pain in inhumane ways to other human beings. Porn is explicit acts made for the viewership of others, they are made to be exposed. Put together these words mean refer to torture which is inflicted on others with an intent to be shown to an audience for gratification.

Like the previous movies Saw V scared me and put me on the edge of my seat as far as what was going to happen next. I love the twists in the story and the way the audience has to think a little and put two and two together. Despite the fact that many people didn't like the fifth Saw at all, I beg to differ. Granted, it was nothing like the first few. One has to ask why? It seemed to me that it had a similar amount of blood and anticipation. It is that society is become more and more decensitized due to all of the horrific images we are exposed to? Perhaps, it takes much more than the content of the previous films to wow the audience now.

Something I found fascinating in this movie, as in the previous Saws, were the clever devices which were made a part the "games" which people had to play in order to preserve their lives. I was surprised at the trick move Agent Hoffman pulled when his head was in a tank, quickly filling with water, and he stabbed a little tube into his throat in order to get oxygen and survive. It's one of those things where viewers would go "ohh I would've done this...and this....to break out" but Agent Hoffman actually did it and prevented the opportunity for such statements.

As far as why people actually attend such movies is beyond me. It is sick to think that people pleasure in such cruel and disturbing content, but perhaps we do on some subconscious level. Why would we go if we didn't like the way this "torture porn" made us feel? I would definetly classify the Saw movies as torture porn since they explicitly focus on torturing different subjects, with different devices, provided in different situations for the pleasure and viewrship of an audience, who presumably paid money to attend this.

The one thing I could not get over and which stood out to me was the fact that the "dungeon" or abandoned warehouse in which all of the torture and murders take place remains untouched. Police have been there countless times, countless people have died there. You would think that with such a history this place would be on lock-down, survailanced at all times in the day? That is apparently not the case. Not only is this warehouse of torture not being watched, it is wide open for the next serial killer to walk in and implement the devices of jigsaw and completely cover up a murder. If there is anything more realistic than that, then I am a banana in pijamas.

The Wounded Storyteller

2008-10-21T15:46:00.000-07:00

Wow! It seemed like this book was filled with nonsense. It took forever to read, or so it seemed. Perhaps all the difficulty was posed by the fact that the author kept referring to others' work in every chapter. It was informative overall and it definetly showed me a perspective of pain that I never would have thought to look at before: how people tell about it.
I suppose that is a very important aspect within individual cultures. How we come to know of the horrors and painful experiances people have all depend on the storyteller and which body they have taken on. No matter what narrative style a storyteller chooses one thing is certain: we seek and expect a return to normalcy...health.
From my personal experiance I know there has been time where I have been the narrator of a chaos story, and pain has limited my choice of words, if any. People couldn't possibly understand. All I know was that I was silently communicating that I would give anything to be back to normal again. All efforts within my body were re-draw and focused at that one ultimate goal. Disease is definetly a reality check in terms of our priorities. But do we know our destinies as narrators of these stories?
This book also has made me realize how many special groups there are for patients coping with sickness and how much they focus on the positive stories of survivors. That is ultimately what our society wants, they want to hear "I'm fine" and move on. But even though our bodies heal, and we grow strong and the broken places, we will never forget where we were once broken.

Ghosts of Abu Grahib

2008-10-15T17:30:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that our tax dollars and our good men and women are used to fuel such bureaucratic disorganization, filth, and conspiracy. We had troops going places and doing things they were not trained to do with no plan for anything. These innocent soldiers were made to believe propaganda which trickled down from the high positions of people sitting behind a desk in a shirt and tie. They believed. They did their job...and then they paid for doing so. How could our country do this to these people?
How could the United States uphold such standards and values and fight for democracy when the very essence of their mission and all actions taken at this prison go against democracy, fairness, and human rights. Oh, and of course, it wasn't wrong until it was exposed. Again, we were the deer in head lights. Of course this fired back at us, how could we unify Iraq and make a functioning government? How could those people learn to trust us when they see what our soldiers have been doing to the thousands of prisoners, 75-80% of whom were simply at the wrong place, at the wrong time?
Bush stated that "50 million people once lived under tyranny and today they live in freedom". Does he believe his own words, or are they something his speech writter though up and he agreed to read because it sounds good? Yes, population what we have done is successful, support us!
No, what we have done is wrong. And just like the CIA agents who follow direct orders from their superiors and get thrown in the slammer, so do the lower ranking soldiers; but why aren' those who gave the orders in jail? We never see who they are, they never face charges, and yet they are the root of the problem. We are killing the messenger and leaving the king to roam free. This is once again exemplefied by the Iraq war.
I'm not saying that the soldiers were right in committing acts of torture, even if they were orders. I guess we do get caught up in things, we naively believe, and accept the honor and power that comes of doing these things. What I find proposterous is the pictures of the female soldier with the smile and thumbs up next to dead bodies. I don't care about the explanation. I don't care that it's what that particular person does in photos. We need to gain awareness of our surroundings and judge the appropriateness of our actions. A time and a place for everything. A U.S. soldier, smiling, with a thumbs up, next to a beaten up, lifeless, Iraqi body, like she won a trophy for something, does not create the image we want of the US and it certainly doesn't aid in achieving our objectives in that war, which if I might add, is far from over.

The 9/11 Report

2008-10-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

A hundred and thirty pages of cartoons later I am left feeling uneasy by this book. It was alot to handle coming from goofy looking bubbles and figures which were supposed to resemble some famous person, like Condoleeza Rice, drawn to perfection without missing detail like the gap between her teeth. I have to wonder if the authors of this book are conservative or liberal? Some parts of it seemed like they were critical of government and others seemed like they were recruiting for it.
The pictures were quite upsetting at times. I understand that the authors wanted to re-tell the events of 9/11 in a way that will interest people but I know that this book disturbed almost everyone I showed it too. "Is it serious?" I guess that is the worst part, everything inside was all too real. However the bubbles and cartoons between those pages can't hold a candle to the fury, confusion, and mass chaos that took place when the planes hit the north and south tower of the Trade Center in New York.
Everyone already knew the story. To the average eye, like mine when I was in seventh grade and this tragedy took place, it seemed like the nation was unprepared for such an event. In reality, and underneath all of the precautions and safety measures and beaurues inside governement in charge of homeland security, this book revealed that we truly were unprepared and unsuspecting of those lusting to kill us. It is shocking to me that the people we trust with our country, our safety, and our future could let such a catastrophy take place. Events like the 1993 car bombing in the garage of the World Trade Center and the bombing of the USS Cole were simply disregarded. It took a second attempt at the Trade Center to make the nation realize that it was a target for a terrorist organization, by that time it was far too late. We had a lack of emergency and evacuation plans. Our contacts with the airplanes and airlines were poor. The president didn't even know what had happened on 9/11 until an hour or so after the planes crashed. Figures which were supposed to take care of the situation didn't come together too quickly either. The United States was a deer caught in headlights and Bin Laden and Al Queada loved the snap shots of it; a deer which got run over. We were left with our tails between our legs.
What about all those burried in ruins? The fathers and mothers who left their families behind in attempts to save someone elses'? My deepes apologies, our candles continue to burn for you.
We are left with propositions and a Commission with ideas to better us in preparation for future attacks. But why is it that previous attacks didn't better prepare us for this one? It seems as though government has gotten too big and too ahead of itself. We have forgoten cardinal rules taught to us in kindergarden "sharing is caring", so why is it that the CIA won't share information with the FBI and other departments refuse to pool information as well, a practice which could better inform everyone and create a much more efficient protocall for action. Jacobson and Colon write "while terrorists have been learning and adapting, we have been moving at a bureaucratic crawl" on the last page titled Postscript. I guess it's just too difficult for all of those in the senatorial seats and represenative offices to get on board and finally get it together. Like the authors mention, we allowed one of the poorest, and least technologically inclined countries beat us at a game we should be familiar with by now.

Regarding the Pain of Others

2008-09-29T13:43:00.000-07:00

This book said alot for it's short 125 pages. There were many truths between those pages, so where do I start? War is male. That is one bold statement. What is male, really? It is a socially defined term with lots of attatched constructs which have been implemented and practiced for hundreds of years. Men are strong, masculine, courageous, heartless, and vicious at times. War is male because males inflict pain upon others and are in a position to do so without much dissent. They are the strong ones after all; strong enough to forget what it's like to be on your knees begging for your life when they are superior to the enemy. Yet the pictures which create our reality shock male and female viewers alike. Do we even care enough to find out what we are looking at? All we know is that it is horrible and it is happening somewhere in the world. But, what could a nineteen year old girl do? I can denounce these photos and those who inflict violence upon others, especially third parties such as civilians. How could we stand by and buy the newspapers which are covered with images such as the one of Iraqis fleeing Kuwait City and being carpet bombed by napalm and depleted uranium during the Gulf War? Do we get satisfaction because we have decided that those people are evil and need to be eliminated from this earth or are we really vulgar and grusome enough that we like watching their pain from a distance? Desparation, the most sickening sight, is something I refuse to see if there is nothing I can do to end it. Who am I to look at those people, who are we to look at those people? We have not seen or experianced half the things they have, and for us to make a spectacle of their last living moments by plastering them in newspapers, news reels, and galleries seems unhuman.
We see, we do not understand, we turn the pages and the faces of anonymous victims of generic war are forgoten. A time filler. This is proximity without risk at it's best. I agree with Sontag's statement that no one has the right to experiance the suffering of others at a distance when it is stripped of all its raw power.
I also found myself wondering whose story we are truly seeing when we come across photos of war, especially recently. As Sontag states, pictures are a factual recording of someone' view - that someone is behind the camera taking the picture. If we are made to believe that Iraqis are an evil people, seeing photographs of the many dead in Iraq might boost moral for the war and gain more government support. Seeing the many US troop casualties might spark a different response, perhaps one similar to the Vietnam War. No one wants to see the mangled face of a dead US soldier left behind in some battle field. At the same time it is worth thinking about the similar photos of Iraqi troops; the man pleading for his life, which may bring satisfaction to many Americans, also has a family. We cannot go as far as being heartless and gain enjoyment from pictures of torture, destruction, and death.
As Sontag mentions, pictures are an accurate representation of what human beings are capable of. In this case perhaps not enough evidence is provided by images. You and I have no idea how much torture our troops have put others through. I recently heard clips from a new program on TV about the Iraq war where commanders are forcing soldiers to torture and kill Iraqis. That is something the public never sees. We only see what the enemy does, so that our hatred grows towards them. It is important to note that this kind of force by higher officials in the military does not go without its psychological effects on the soldiers, male, forced to be heartless and inflict pain on people who they hardly know, deserving or not.
So while we are here drinking our coffee over breakfast trying to gain insight on what is going on in the world today, we should be mindful of the fact that the image from the current war featured on page one is reality, but it is one snippet of a reality which we couldn't even the begint to comprehend. We should not come away from breakfast feeling like we know what is going on; instead we should ask whose story was being told and remember faces of the strangers, not just as subjects of the photos but as a piece of far away history which we have no right to exploit. We are simply spectators, who can shut our eyes or turn off the TV and forget those images and those people, but those who are missing their husband, their father, or mother, or wife cannot forget. Those images will forever hanut them.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

2008-09-24T05:44:00.000-07:00

Now that is one trippy movie! The visuals, such as crumbaling walls, houses, or adults that were child size, were so intense at parts that they almost had a drug-like effect. You had to follow closely or else you would be lost inside the twisting and turning plot. The part that slowly made me understand where the producers were going with it, was when Dr. Howard's wife states "she doesn't know? Oh you poor child. You can have him, you already did." There are alot of shocks and mouth openers and this one in particular made it clear that Mary which was played by Kirsten Dunst had fallen in love with the doctor and had her mind erased, but then she fell in love with him all over again. We can come away from this movie sure that love is unevitable. Clementine and Joel are also another example that would lead us to believe this; minds erased and all they both wound up at Montauk and met again. Fate.

This movie also made me think about Valentine's Day. The doctor at Lacuna, the mind erasing agency, even states that February is their busiest time due to Valentine's Day. When thinking about that statement it is depressing to realize that so many people are suffering due to a past loved one, so much that they would want to surrender all their memories with that person to a doctor who blatently states that what he does is a form of brain damage. We would rather be damaged, than remember having loved? That is one twisted thought.
Despite all of the bad things which happened as a result of Joel and Clementine's love I was on my toes the entire movie, hoping that they would end up together. This movie makes you want to deeply believe in the power of love, despite it's downs.
The part where Joel states "I wish I had done alot of things" in referance to not walking out the door of the beach house, on the night when Clementine and Joel met, made me especially depressed. We always seem to look back and wish we had done so much more and so differently. Our past is filled with regrets and wishes for days we could live over again. I wish we could just do everything the way we want do it the first time, in the present...right now.
"Blessed are the forgetful..." We think that if we forget, we can escape. Something will always bring us back, the big bucks would be in making us remember and accept. Love, as the movie proves, is inevitable. We can't escape it. We search for it, we can't wait to have it, and let it take us for a crazy ride, and then we scorn it and push it away. It is a drug, unobtainable, that can come and go and leave you in withdrawls. Take the pleasure with the pain. Accept it. Don't search for one and degrade the other; they are brothers like day and night. "Love is pain and pain is love".
By the way I totally agree with Joel, sand is overrated; then again so are alot of things, and sometimes it just feels so good to take off your shoes and socks and just dig into it.

Pain: The Science of Suffering By: Patrick Wall

2008-09-16T13:29:00.000-07:00

Wow this book was alot to swallow at once. At times I found myself backtracking to certain points so I could get my thought in order. I totally support the author's notion that the amount of pain does not equal the amount of injury. I also strongly agree with the fact that the experiance of pain is one that varies from time to time and in person to person. I couldn't believe the processes which the body goes through to make us actually feel pain. I found the nervous system very complicated and intricate. I also found it very profound to think of pain as a guard for us. Without it we would never know to protect our injured parts, like in the case of the girl with osteomyelitis which demolished her joint's surfaces which lead to her death. I found the part about childbirth very disturbing. It made me step back and think. It is crazy that a mother has to go through that much pain to get her offspring into this world. Just think about it, our life begins and ends in pain. We grow to hate it, curse it, and dispise it, but without it, indeed, we would not be alive.
I found some of the classical ideoligies very proposterous and I wonder if in the future the current ideologies will seem proposterous since there are so many undetermined tests. If we do ever pin point pain in the brain, will it really be better for us to drug that area until we feel nothing? The placebo response on the other hand proved to me the power of the mind and believing something to the point where it is not necessary to introduce any external substances to relieve pain. Many things have emerged from the discussion of pain, and yet not enough. Wall states "pain is not just a sensation but, like hunger and thirst, is an awareness of an action plan to rid of it". I can see how depression and anxiety set in when that plan fails time and time again. But, it is important to always have some faith in medicine, even if it pays little attention to pain itself and treats patients as numbers with preset pain periods and treatments. If we believe strongly, maybe we could all be blessed with a placebo effect.

Intro

2008-09-16T13:23:00.001-07:00

Hello everyone. This is my first blog ever, so this experiance has been pretty cool. I am currently a sophmore in the School of Arts and Sciences at UHart. I am majoring in communications with an emphasis in advertising & public relations and hopefully journalism too. I am hoping to complete a minor in Marketing. I am on the cross country and track teams here at the university which is in pursuit of my strong interest in running. I love music and those who create it. I like to paint on rainy days when I am not overburdened with work and just relax. I love nail polish and other random things. Coffee gets me through alot of days. I often miscalculate the corners of things like tables and hit myself on them. I think time goes by too fast and people don't care enough. I stronlgy support John Lennon's statement "make love, not war".